I’ll be the first to put my hand up and say that for a very long time, I allowed my business success to determine my self worth. Pretty much all of my adult life, I identified what I did to who I was. Having been in finance for 30 years, my whole identity was wrapped up in my career, how good I was at what I did, how I was perceived and how professional I was.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. We’ve been conditioned from a young age to believe who we are is what we do. I see it in my own kids. They tell me they’re good at this subject but not that subject. Their teachers tell me they have a natural disposition towards writing for example but not Maths. The identity of who we are and what we do starts early and carries right through.
And for some people, that’s ok. It takes them towards the careers they enjoy and they become the go-to person in their field.
However, problems can surface when people start their own business. Let’s face it. Business is hard. It’s not for the faint hearted. So when you believe who you are is what you do and what you do isn’t as successful as you would like it to be, it can smash our identity and seriously affect our self worth.
If you aren’t making the money you want, if you don’t have the clients you want, if your launches don’t go according to plan….we naturally take that to mean that there is something wrong with us. Us as a person.
Over the years, I have coached so many women who feel demoralised, dejected and down right exhausted by their business. They feel like a failure because they aren’t making enough money and the whole thing isn’t working out the way they were told it would or the way they believe it would.
I see so many women whose self worth has been pummelled because their business isn’t thriving like the other people they’re comparing themselves to online. And it’s such a shame.
I can relate to this 100%. I have compared myself. I have been less than compassionate with myself over the years. I have let the ups and downs of my business determine how I felt about myself and at times I’ve let it shatter my self worth.
But here’s what I’ve learned along the way.
You are not your business.
Your business is not YOU
You are a success despite what your business does.
You are going to be fine regardless of what happens to your business
You are not worth more if your business does well
You are not worth less if your business does not do well.
Please take that in. I am saying this to myself as much as I’m saying it to you because I know that I am still a work in progress. But I’m conditioning myself every day to separate my attention from who I am to what I do.
And what I’d love now? I’d love for you to write back to me and tell me how amazing, beautiful, fabulous and successful your are despite what’s happens in your business, good or bad. And then I want you to say that to yourself each and every day until your subconscious mind is shifted forever.